Week Four: “Do other people fall this much?”

My post-op appointment was something that I had been looking forward to very much. Having been in my own head about the period of recovery after surgery had my thoughts spinning in every direction.  How much hardware had they put inside my ankle? When could I begin weight bearing? When would the cast come off? What did my leg look like underneath the bulky pink monstrosity? Was the tattoo on the inside of my ankle ok?

Let's crack open this treasure chest!

But mostly, I was excited to see the gnarly scars and the x-rays of my new bionic hardware.

I used my knee scooter (the most amazing thing I could have ever dreamed of) to wheel myself into the appointment, hopped onto the bench, and was able to see and learn about all of the things that I had been wondering for the past couple of weeks.

Removing Stitches
(Still have my Chaco tan!)

My weather station
(I mean, ankle)

I had a 5 inch plate secured onto my fibula with 7 screws. In addition, I had a Syndesmotic screw placed through my fibula and tibia, to assure that everything would heal in place. They had made the surgical incision on the lateral side of my ankle, and had not needed to cut the medial side (which was a relief, due to the fact that my tattoo was over there). The incision site seemed to be healing well, and although it was almost 6 inches long, it did not look as gruesome as I had anticipated. The skin on my ankle looked healthy, and there was a nice plush layer of hair that had colonized the area covered by my leg cast.

I had also read about this amazing new contraption that seemed to be all the rage for lower leg injuries: the iWalk Hands-Free crutch. After watching no less than 20 Youtube videos about the contraption, I had my mind set on being just as self-sufficient and independent as the people in the videos seemed to be. My PA and nurse had never heard of or seen anything like this device, and they were very hesitant to recommend it. They were concerned about the importance of being able to balance on it, the potential for falling, and the mechanics of how exactly it would work. I showed them a few of the videos that had me impressed, and I was able to convince them to let me give it a try. The selling point was the potential for ascending and descending stairs with ease (and minimal impact on your knees). In comparison to crutches (and hopping up or down the stairs for each step), this device would strap on to your injured leg as it was bent, and the peg-leg portion that was protruding below the knee would function as a usable ‘limb’ that you could utilize, giving you the freedom of using your arms for other things…

…like clinging to the railing for your life.

I was ecstatic to be like the people in the videos.

I felt strong, capable, and badass.

What better way to emulate that, than a cast inspired by one of the most badass ladies?
WONDER WOMAN!

Watch out, World!

With my fresh new Wonder Woman cast, pictures of my X-rays, and the go ahead for a hands-free crutch, I wheeled out of the hospital with a giant smile on my face. I was simply ecstatic about the next steps in my recovery process. 

Excitement, and Fiberglass! :) 

As I sat in the car on our way home from the appointment, I immediately ordered the iWalk 2.0 from Amazon, and requested 2 day shipping. I was simply overflowing with excitement! I wanted it to be everything that I had always imagined, and more! No pressure, eh!?

Like my PA, my husband reiterated the importance of taking it slow. He reminded me that the device may not be as perfect of a contraption as the videos make it seem, and that I would still need to be careful. Falling is one of the major dangers if used incorrectly.

That afternoon, we stopped in to pick up some burritos for lunch, and as I crutched into the restaurant, my crutches caught a wet patch of floor, and went right out from under me. In order to stop myself from falling, I had to plant my casted foot on the ground to steady myself. It hurt like a b*tch, and scared the living hell out of me. Embarrassed and enraged, I exited the restaurant and was more certain than ever about my decision to order the iWalk.

Now, many people experience this at one time or another (or in my case, many times) when you accidentally do something that the doctor told you to avoid (like putting weight on your injured appendage). The panic and paranoia that ensues from such a mishap is incomparable to any semblance of reason that you may have in your mind. You jump to the wildest, most absurd conclusions. You incessantly worry about the damage you may have caused, or the progress that you may have derailed. And when the pain sets in, it only gets worse.

That evening, as the throbbing of my ankle began, I was very worried that my actions to prevent falling may have hurt my progress, may have screwed something up. It was a very stressful couple of days, and I spend most of that time on the couch, because I was too afraid to do anything that may cause me to risk a fall.

In the morning, I went in to work with my knee scooter. As I was scooting around the cluttered storage area, trying to get the backlog of things organized so that I could get my work set up to do some of it at home, a coworker stopped in to see if I needed any help. Being extremely tired of imposing on others, and needing to be tended to constantly, I stubbornly refused, as I wheeled forward holding packages in one hand, and trying to steer the scooter with the other. As soon as my coworker mentioned “don’t fall and hurt yourself”, almost serendipitously, I tipped over- packages in hand, into a pile of supplies.

The following day, there was a knock on the door. The iWalk had arrived, and the timing could not have been better! I had resigned myself to stay indoors until I felt safe being outside again. I did not want to fall. I wanted to be an incredible peg-legged wonder woman that could do anything!

Paint Pen Magic!

My husband assembled it, I watched all the Youtube videos, strapped it onto my leg and using one crutch, I decided to give it a whirl! Feeling confident with the one crutch, I decided to let go of the handle in front of my iWalk (in order to walk like they were all doing so flawlessly in the promotional videos). 

Needs Assembly.
Cats not included.

Almost as soon as I decided to step forward, I tipped over and landed face first into my carpeted floor, and the crutch flew across the living room…

… As my husband helped scrape me and my dignity off the living room floor, I thought to myself:

“Do other people fall this much?”